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I always thought I was pretty good at being kind to myself. I have a lot of self-care tools in my ‘self-care tool kit’. Plus as a hypnotherapist, a wellbeing writer, and the friend who is always there to give advice, I thought I would be pretty good at being kind to myself during a hard time - it turns out I was wrong!

So website viewers, this article is for you and also, I have to admit, it is also a big, kind and non-judgemental reminder to myself- being kind to yourself is very, very important, especially during tough times.

Sometimes in life, being kind to oneself can feel like the toughest thing in the world to do. When we are at our lowest, we can sink into unhelpful thinking patterns which can add an extra layer of awfulness to an already awful situation.

Life is a series of beginnings and endings. We can never really guarantee what it has in store for us.

When we go through a traumatic event, it’s very easy to want to keep going, to be strong and resilient and to face each day with positivity and strength. Although there is nothing inherently wrong with being ‘stoic’ during hard times, our body may not be able to keep up as the trauma and grief often finds a home within our bodies, and eventually our minds will need a rest too.

As the world keeps spinning and life keeps moving, it can be hard to take the time to slow down and ‘be’ with how you’re feeling. The pressure from a constantly moving society can play havoc on our healing and rather than ‘lean into support’, and be with how we are feeling, we may force ourselves to keep going through a fear of looking vulnerable and unable to manage. Shame is a powerful emotion.

So after realising that I was falling into not-so-kind ways, I took out my self-care tool kit (and also added some extra ‘tools’ along the way) and decided that what I needed was a whole heap of kindness sending my way...

Here is what I did....

I reached out for support! Meh! Surely I am meant to be the strong one?! Whilst this is true Anna (said in a kind voice obviously),you cannot pour from an empty cup, and it is okay to ask for support. As someone told me ‘Maybe now is the time to lean into the love.’

Being vulnerable feels scary and I don’t mind admitting, sometimes pretty awful, but it’s during these times of vulnerability when we can strengthen our bonds with other people and learn to love all the parts of us. It also offers a great sense of letting go and allowing life to lead us a little rather than always needing to be in the driving seat, which let’s face it, can be pretty exhausting sometimes.

I challenged my critical inner voice. Sometimes the voice can be quiet and other times, when I feel like I’m failing in some ways, that voice grabs a microphone and bellows at me!

Learning to settle that voice and offer it some kindness and compassion is perhaps the nicest thing you can do for yourself when you are suffering emotionally. Engaging in mindfulness meditation to cultivate awareness of your thoughts without judgment is a really great place to start.

I said yes. When we feel down, it is so easy to isolate and feel that life is against us. There is a time for rest, of course, and I am a massive advocate of saying no and having boundaries, yet I also realised that saying yes to seeing people felt pretty good too.

I showed kindness to others. When we are consumed by sadness and grief, it’s so easy (and completely natural) to become consumed within our own emotional worlds. I remember fondly, finding the perfect cards for my gorgeous friends and writing them personalised really helped me to feel a sense of connection and purpose.

I also found some peace in a letting go. I’m he queen of needing a plan (hello, Virgo over here!), but I started to find that after a while, my need to control everything to feel safe was no longer serving me, and when I started to trust life a little, letting go a bit here and there was the kindest thing I could do for myself.

We really are such magical beings, and remember, it’s okay to not be okay. You are human and you are loved.

Love Anna x

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